Wednesday, November 3, 2010

It's in the Bag

Several times a week, a situation arises in which I say to my husband “Here – hold my bag for a sec.” This is usually followed by an over exaggerated grunt as his arm jerks toward the ground, led by the heft of the sack. I am then asked the usual two questions: “What the heck do you have in here – bricks?” and “Is all of this necessary?”

The answer to first question – STUFF. The answer to the second – a huffy YES.

Lately, though, I’ve noticed that my shoulders appear just the faintest touch uneven and my biceps seem a bit overdeveloped. And there’s something else. My “baby” is three and a half and I am still lugging around a diaper bag. An ugly diaper bag. A $19.99 on clearance at Target diaper bag. But the storage on this thing! Two bottle pockets. Two small exterior pockets. One large exterior pocket. Two zippered compartments! Three interior pockets. It’s positively cavernous. And…AND – it has special buckle straps so the bag can be attached to a stroller handle or shopping cart in a snap. Hands free shopping!

But here’s the thing. In just a few days, I will be turning the number that comes after 39. I’ve decided to ring it in with a new handbag. One that doesn’t come from the luggage department. A fresh start. A graduation of sorts. No more baby bag.

It’s not that easy. Ever since I began the search (over a month ago), I repeatedly land on purses that look identical to my current diaper bag. Some of them may even be advertised as “carryall/baby bag”. I realize it’s going to be a monumental struggle to downsize. You’re familiar with Hoarders, no? My episode would be called “Hoarder…on the go”.

So I’ve asked myself: Just what the heck DO I have in there and is it really necessary? Well, let’s officially take inventory.

(Insert me dumping out the contents of my bag)

And now...I bring you (drumroll, please) ...the heck that is in there:

• A pack of travel baby wipes

• Extra t-shirt for the 3 year old (Lexie)

• Insect repellent towelette

• Socks for Lexie

• 3 tampons (2 super, 1 regular)

• 2 allergy pills

• A tube of Neosporin

• 2 Advil

• 2 acetominophen suppositories (kids dose)

• Travel pack of Dramamine

• Oscillococcinum

• Baggie of assorted Lifesavers hard candy

• 2 barf bags (unused)

• 1 asthma inhaler

• Kaopectate

• 3 bandages (assorted sizes)

• 1 prescription anti-nausea pill

• 3 crayons

• 1 Disney Princess ring (Ariel)

• 1 Ariel doll

• 1 My Little Pony figure with hairbrush

• Sunglasses

• Make up bag (lip balm, 3 lipsticks, lipstick case, pot rouge)

• Digital camera

• Bag of almonds

• Trail mix

• Nilla wafers

• Hand lotion

• 2 packets Splenda

• 2 Epi-pens (Lexie)

• 1 Epi-pen (me)

• 4 Halls cough drops (honey lemon)

• A purse pack of Kleenex

• 1 barrette

• 2 hair clips

• 3 hair elastics

• Purell (travel size)

• Sunblock stick (spf 50)

• 1 toothpick (unused)

• Pack of gum (Orbit peppermint)

• Pen

• Extra lip balm (Lexie)

• Cell phone

• Car keys

• Handtowel (In case the barf bag can’t be reached in time)

• Eyeglasses

• 1 stray piece of popcorn (Orville Redenbacher touch of butter)

• Sippy cup (Lexie)

• 2 water bottles (1 16 oz, 1 half pint)

• Wallet

 10 photos of the kids

 4 business cards

 2 missing kid info cards

 Blood donor card

 Emergency contact card

 19 shoppers rewards cards

 Credit card

 Driver’s license

 Debit card

 Library card

 “I Love You” note from my 10 year old

 8 insurance cards (medical, dental, prescription)

 Tip calculator

 3 receipts

 Starbucks gift card ($1.10 balance)

 $200 cash (I won a bet)

 $.86

Total Weight: Nine and a half pounds. Give or take.

It’s a heck of a lot. And it’s all necessary. Except for the piece of popcorn. I managed to throw that away without the need for a hoarding counselor or panic attack, thank you.